i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The power of my boobs compel you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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