I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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