i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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