Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
