i don't like sucking hair
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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