It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
