i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
