There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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