Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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