dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize