sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
