worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
