You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
