I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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