That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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