How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
