Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
