Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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