The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
