My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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