I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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