"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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