I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
