we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
