the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
