so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
