You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is my gift to your gina
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
