if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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