all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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