I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
