Walk of Shame. In a state park.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
