capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
