So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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