He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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