Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
