Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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