I wish my penis had an off switch
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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