Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
