The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
