whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
