2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
