At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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