yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
