i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
