Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My dick has a subreddit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
