Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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