i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize