someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
