How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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