Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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