Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
