Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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