There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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