I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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