omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize