Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
