i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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