I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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