so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize