Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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