I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
