I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
