im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need a beard to bite.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
