Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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