it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
