You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's shark week go big or go home
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
