He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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