Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
