Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize