matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
