I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
