Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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