You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
