Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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