So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
should my penis look like a turkey
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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