Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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