Can i not drive my cunt home
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
