I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
