i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
