i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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