Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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