I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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