I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
