Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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