Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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