so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
