I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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