Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
