No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
