Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
