It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
