Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize