dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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