i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
