dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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