I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize